The random questions have started...
You know the kind, where strangers stop and ask you point blank, "Is he adopted?"
Well, actually that was only one of the the three last week. I also got, "Is your husband Korean?" and "Is he Korean?" in reference to J, while they were staring straight at him.
In defense of these strangers (why I am defending them, I do not know) they all had a connection to adoption or Korea, but come on. There has to be a better way to phrase it! The connections were an adult adoptee, (the first question above), adoptive parents of a girl born in China (2nd question), and two Korean American middle aged ladies (third question).
For myself, if I see another family who may have potentially adopted, I either just smile and nod, keeping my mouth shut or, if I want to really get to know them will ask, "Are you a Forever Family?" (Or in one case for a family at church, I asked "Did your daughter come home from China? My son came home from Korea 6 months ago." Thereby acknowledging the parental relationship, the fact she is HOME now and my reason for asking all in one swoop.)
I did know this would happen and was prepared for it mentally, but it still gives me an emotional shock with each question. He is just my son! I usually just smile and say that yes, J was adopted and was born in Korea, leaving it at that. He may look different than C or I, but certainly neither of us care, and (luckily) none of our family cares either. We love him oh so much and my heart just grows bigger with love every day! How amazing it is to be a mama!
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2 comments:
We live in a very non-diverse community and I have wondered how I would handle this situation. I think you handled it beautifully. And I'm glad that you post about it. It helps us waiters prepare!
I'm glad you posted this. Our son has been home for 3 months now and I've gotten some comments - mostly people in our apartment building trying to get details, for no other reason than being nosy. And I am surprised because those who are nosy are the ones we don't even know. The more polites ones just say congratulations or that they are happy for us. Someone else in the building who adopted years ago said that people said horrible things like 'how much did you pay for the child,...'. I often wonder why people find it any of their business (unless they have a connection with adoption).
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